January’s last breath

Goodbye January. You were truly awful. It’s time to rip you off the calendar, ritually burn you and welcome better days.

Like an adult nappy, January has been packed full of the most horrendous shit.

I can barely bring myself to think about it it’s so awful.

Falling head over heels in love with someone with all the empathy of a Dalek was certainly the worst part. Having my back rigidly strapped up like Ripley’s power loader in Aliens hasn’t been great either.

No ministry of silly walks jokes please.

Have you seen The Hobbit yet? I embarked on that unexpectedly long journey last night.

My favourite bit was definitely the twelve-hour scene with Gollum and the riddles. If only they’d had the time to squeeze in a few more. The six-hour scenes of songs, washing up and being spit roasted (easy!) by trolls were also magnificent.

The film started at 20:30. I’m sure it was daylight by the time we finally got out. I won’t be able to see parts two and three. Turns out I’m doing ‘anything else’ that day.

So…….there are only a few grains of sand left in the January egg timer. I am sat here by my computer with a lemsip and a bottle of benylin, counting down the minutes to a new month. It can’t come soon enough.

See you in February fuckers
Love Harrison


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